Published in the Family Times, 2 April 2013
“The Anxious Child”
Is your child a worry wart? Do you find yourself constantly reassuring, cajoling, and coaxing your child? Are they expert at avoiding new experiences?
It’s natural for parents to try and reassure their anxious child and to find themselves doing so repeatedly. But unfortunately, when parents are constantly reassuring, it can often have the unwanted effect of encouraging the child to think that there really must be something to fear.
All children experience fears and anxieties as a normal part of development as they grow. Fear of the dark, burglars, and monsters under the bed are all common in childhood. But persistent worrying and negative thinking can prevent children from enjoying normal life
experiences.
There is often a genetic component to anxiety and anxious children often have an anxious parent or close relative. In the case of the parent, they may be inadvertently modelling anxious behaviour or anticipatory anxiety.
If you think your child may have a problem in this area there are ways you can help.
• Have consistent daily routines in place that promote feelings of security and reduce anxiety levels.
• Take the time to listen to your child. Acknowledge their feelings and show acceptance of them. Reflect back verbally what they tell you without criticising or giving advice.
• For school age children, ask them how likely is it that the event they are worried about will happen. Get them to “put on their detective hat” and look for evidence. Has it happened before? How likely is it to happen? Make a plan for if it does happen e.g. mum being late to pick them up from school.
• Suggest your child writes down their worries and files them in a “worry box”. Then problem solve together on how to deal with them.
Alternatively, have them imagine a box in which they can put all their worries and shut the lid on them.
• Encourage them to change their “red” thoughts (unhelpful thoughts) to “green” thoughts (positive thoughts). For example, “I’ll get it wrong,” to “Even if I make a mistake, I’ll do better next time.”
• Teach your child relaxation skills to make them feel more in control of their bodies. Do breathing exercises and progressive muscle tensing and relaxing exercises. Have them close their eyes and imagine a favourite place they like to go to.
And if necessary, try these strategies on yourself.
By Michelle van Dyk, registered psychologist.